Category Archives: Uncategorized

Student Reprimanded for Recycling Compostable Utensil in Trillium

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ITHACA, NY-The 11:00am rush at the Trillium food court is a scene well known to the student body, rife with eager students clamoring to fit a meal into their busy schedules. But this Tuesday,  simple impatience unraveled into environmental catastrophe, when Duncan McMahon ’15 maliciously and intentionally threw his compostable spoon into the Read More

Campus Sinks 2-3 Inches Into Ground from Students’ Post-Thanksgiving Weight Gain

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ITHACA, NY – Cornell administrators were shocked after learning that the entire campus has sunk an estimated 2.67 inches into the ground after the end of Thanksgiving break. Scientists believe that the disaster was caused by students who “disgustingly over-consumed” over the past week. “I haven’t really noticed any changes Read More