December 18, 2013

Sorority Establishes Feudalistic Fiefdom on Third Floor Mann

mann

In a hostile takeover this past week, the Cornell chapter of sorority Sigma Kappa Tau ruthlessly overtook and installed their own dominion over the third floor of Mann Library. The monarchy, established with Lady Jenny Harquist ’14 as lord-protector of the realm, expects all students studying on 3 Mann to be vassals of the new SKT territory. The fiefs will allot land to all willing participants in exchange for their undying allegiance and a monthly tax on crop production and net-print pages.

Said Lady Baroness Lindsay Evans ’15, “We want a peaceful rule over the peasants  losers yeomen? people making their home in Mann Library this week. After all, we don’t want an uprising, that’s why we’re offering free tank tops to everyone willing to serve under us! And if they don’t want to be part of our new society then they shall be, like, banished, never to return under pain of death.”

The new fiefdom has as of Thursday declared war on first floor Mann, in an attempt to overtake Manndible’s cafe. Battle documents leaked over instagram reveal that the sorority has plans for dominion over all of Mann library, in which case they plan to rename their nation-state “Ye Wo’ Mann’s Dominion”

Above: An artist’s rendition of Mann

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