January 1, 2014

Believing Ithaca to be Empty, Svante Myrick Walks Around Collegetown Naked

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In a story akin to classic Hans Christian Andersen folklore, Mayor Svante Myrick reportedly began his week by strolling nude throughout the streets of Ithaca. Myrick was promptly arrested for indecent exposure and disorderly conduct.

“I just figured no one would be around over break. I thought everyone went home for vacation.” said Myrick. At around 9:00am eyewitnesses reported seeing the mayor leave his collegetown apartment completely nude and seemingly relaxed. Myrick continued, “I looked out my window and didn’t see anybody around, so I figured I was the only guy left here.” At 9:15 a.m. Myrick reportedly walked fully naked into Collegetown Bagels and ordered a caramel latte. “I thought CTB would be closed, you know, because everyone went home, so I tried opening the door to see if they had left the place unlocked.”

Myrick was greeted by three employees and twelve shocked patrons, as he paraded up the aisle towards the counter. “I immediately realized there were still people here, but I didn’t want to look stupid, so I just kind of continued my morning routine and hoped no one would notice,” said Myrick, adding, “I got a caramel latte. It was really cold out.” At approximately 9:45, the Ithaca police arrived at CTB to find Myrick, still nude, reading a newspaper and calming enjoying his beverage.

“This happens every year,” explained Ithaca Police Chief Kathy Zoner. “We’ve tried to explain to Svante how cities work, and how research universities contain full time staff and employees.” After a heavy sigh, Zoner said, “He just doesn’t get it.”

UPDATE: Myrick was again apprehended after again leaving his home nude today. “I thought everyone would at least be gone by Tuesday. I guess I’ll try again tomorrow” said Myrick.

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