Nooz Staff December 5, 2013

Arts Quad Statues Reveal Virginity of Student on Date

ITHACA, NY- Crossing between the statues of Ezra Cornell and A.D White, on a date with Tami Carr ’15 Saturday evening, Louis Owens 16’ was surprised to see the two statues stand up, stroll towards one another, and shake hands in the middle of the arts quad.

“This is ridiculous” Owens reportedly stated with a laugh.

Sources say that the ceremony, which only occurs when a virgin crosses between the two statues at exactly midnight, is a way for the founders to congratulate each other on the chastity of Cornell’s students.

“Oh man, these cooky statues think one of us is a virgin.” Owens  said to Carr. “I bet they feel pretty silly now that they realize that both of us have had sex… and are completely competent…sexually…You can go sit back down now statues!”

As of press time, Carr was not responding to Owens’ texts.

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