December 10, 2013

BREAKING: Study Week Cancelled Due to Snow

All studying will officially be cancelled as of 1:45pm on Monday, according to an email sent out to the Cornell community from the Office of the Provost:

“We understand that Study Week and Finals are very important. But the accumulation of almost 2 inches of snow has put an unbearable burden on our maintenance staff. They just simply do not have the equipment or the experience in dealing with this much snow.”

“We have also determined it is in the best interest of our student body to not risk walking to the library in such adverse weather conditions, as such a heavy accumulation of snow can mean unpredictable sidewalk conditions.”

In an attempt to keep the student body safe, students are encouraged to stay inside, drink hot chocolate and watch Netflix, and are officially forbidden to engage in any form of schoolwork whatsoever.

“If you need to go outside, only do so if you are trying to play in the snow.”

“We really are thinking on our feet here,” the email concluded. “If we need to cancel finals week altogether and give everyone A’s, then we’ll do just that. Stay warm.”

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