Nooz Staff May 14, 2021

Tearing Up Because A TA Looked At Me Kindly And Five Other Things That Don’t Mean Anything Because I’m Fine

Recently, I endured what most would agree is an extremely common and normal experience: while sitting in office hours, the TA turned to me, with a bright gaze full of empathy and understanding, and I burst into tears. This led to all sorts of intrusive questions like “how are you?” and “would you like to talk?” Ridiculous questions, given that I am so totally fine. 

Although Big Therapy would have you believe otherwise, most of our emotional reactions are completely random and have no kind of deeper meaning. Here are five other utterly non-Freudian slips that have absolutely no deeper meaning and definitely don’t deserve any sort of analysis or reflection:

  1. Browsing dog adoption websites for three days and then going to the Cornell store to look at baby shirts for your hypothetical golden retriever puppy because you just want a hug.
  2. Going to the dining hall to get a takeout container full of french fries and a single hard boiled egg.
  3. Considering spilling hydrochloric acid on yourself during your Chemistry lab just to feel something.
  4. Forgetting to put a bra on when walking outside and then spending ten minutes debating whether or not to go back inside and put one on only to realize you forgot your ID in your room, so you can’t get back into your dorm and your nipples are showing so you yell at your friend’s window, but of course she’s not there so you wait until Ethan from the third floor lets you in after awkwardly trying not to stare, only to decide getting your COVID test isn’t worth this much trouble and taking a ten-hour nap so you miss the angry email from Martha Pollack telling you that you can’t go on campus until you get tested and fifteen hours later you can’t buy a smoothie from Terrace and are removed from the premises for “causing a scene” and oh look Ethan’s here too.
  5. Accidentally calling your professor “Daddy.”

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