GOLDWIN SMITH—After a vigorous year-long application process, Cornell’s prestigious Campus Procrastination Club  (CPC) has selected their Executive Board for the Fall 2021 semester.

“Look, it just got out of hand,” explained outgoing President Patrick Lenbrooke ‘22. “We initially planned for and announced a three-week application process that started in May of 2021. But then the summer came and we didn’t have enough apps, so we just pushed it off until the fall. Then, all of a sudden, it was October and we hadn’t reopened it, so we just pushed the deadline off until the spring. Once we got there, we finally had the applications ready, but we ended up forgetting to send the interview email for a few weeks. They didn’t all respond right away, so it took a while to schedule. When we finally had a date, our E-Board wound up missing a few of them, and things snowballed somehow and here we are! ”

CPC reported extreme difficulty connecting with a qualified group of candidates. The group noted that this was not due to a lack of talented procrastinators on campus, but a level of elite skill parity so magnificent that even arranging one meeting with candidates became next to impossible.

“Yeah, I got the group’s invitation for an interview,” claimed Nathan Fohryew ‘24. “But my schedule was just so busy. They included a When2Meet in the message, and I made sure to input my availability: 4-6 AM Saturdays, Sundays with  1-3 AM, and 11:30-12 AM on weekdays. It should’ve been a cinch to get a meeting together, but of course my dog’s second cousin on his mother’s side died and I had to be there for him, so that meant I had to push things back a bit.”

Formally requested for comment, the CPC publicity team sent out a press release promising to “get to this as soon as we can!”

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