CUNooz: It’s great to sit down with you, Supreme Leader Skorton. What do you think the administration can do to help decrease student loan burdens?
David Skorton (DS): What? (puts on glasses) Who-who are you? How did you get into my house?!?
CUNooz: Ha! That’s what we like to hear. So those new nets have caused quite a stir on campus haven’t they?
DS: Well, we believe that they are the optimal preventative measure-wait why am I even-I’m calling the police.
CUNooz: Good one! Always the jokester… we’ve disconnected your phone line!
DS: My cell phone then.
CUNooz: Smashed to bits! (laughs) Anyway your royal Skortness, how do you think students entering the job market next year can handle the pressure of-
Robin Davisson (Spouse of DS): David?? What’s all that noise? I told you no snacks after midnight!
DS: Honey, go back to sleep!
RD: Who’s there? I hear voices? Is it muggers?
DS: No it’s some journalists, wait-
CUNooz: Technically we’d be burglars, not muggers.
DS: You need to leave.
CUNooz: Awww. Skortiiieee. But why?
DS: You broke into my house at 3 A.M.
CUNooz: Wait just one more question?
DS: (sigh) Fine.
CUNooz: Have you met Obama? Can we have a fall slope day? Do you shave your head because it looks cool or because your balding?
DS: Yes, No, and both.
CUNooz: Thanks for your time Skortster. No further questions.
DS: I hate my job.