Guest Author October 15, 2013

Athletic Department Changes Mascot to Pack of Gum

ITHACA, NY – After a close vote of 5-4, the Cornell Athletic Department adopted a resolution changing the University’s official mascot to “Wrigley’s Big Red,” a popular cinnamon-flavored chewing gum.

“We thought it would make sense, you know,” said Cornell Athletic Department chairwoman Betty Stevenson, “I mean, why should the University have, like, a bear and be called Big Red at the same time.  It didn’t make sense. It confused people.”

The Athletic Department has stated that starting in spring of 2014, Cornell University athletic gear will reflect the change. New uniforms and jerseys will feature the Big Red branding logo along with the name of parent company, “Wrigley’s,” stretched across the top in large letters.

Wrigley’s spokesperson, Rob Fisher, responded positively to the change, “We encourage gum chewing as healthy and tasty way to improve oral health, reduce stress, and increase the metabolism.”

Senior linebacker Doug McDonald also responded positively, “Now when I say our mascot is the Big Red, we actually are Big Red! This is awesome!”

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