ITHACA, NY – Cornell sophomore Jason Conroy reportedly despises Ivy League rival Harvard University with a passion, however, would unquestionably transfer if granted admission to the prestigious institution. “Harvard? They can suck on my fucking nuts, because they fucking suck,” but later went on to explain that “If Harvard accepted me, I would leave Ithaca for Boston in a heartbeat.”
“They fucking blow,” Conroy added, busily tapping away at his application essay. Harvard’s miniscule acceptance rate for transfers – 1.04% , as of 2012 – renders Conroy’s chances of attending his “dream school” closer to a dream than to reality. “Yeah, they don’t admit a lot of transfers, which makes sense because they’re a fucking abysmal institution,” Conroy commented, his face contorting into a scowl of pure, deep-seated hatred.
“But I’m keeping my fingers crossed.”