Tag Archives: Greek Life

Cornell Sophomore Hates Harvard; Would Transfer

ITHACA, NY – Cornell sophomore Jason Conroy reportedly despises Ivy League rival Harvard University with a passion,  however, would unquestionably transfer if granted admission to the prestigious institution. “Harvard? They can suck on my fucking nuts, because they fucking suck,”  but later went on to explain that “If Harvard accepted Read More

President Skorton Releases Official Fraternity and Sorority Rankings

After much debate and careful consideration, a Cornell committee headed by President David Skorton has finally spoken on the much debated issue of Greek rankings. Their new system, dubbed Big Red Rankings, will be put into motion next month to replace all current evaluations of campus fraternities and sororities. By employing Read More

Olin Basement and Third Floor Mann to Hire Bouncers to Better Facilitate Exclusive Social Atmosphere

Beginning in Spring 2014, Cornell Library will be installing bouncers to allow entry into the entrances to both the third floor of Mann Library and the basement of Olin Library. Some students praised these new changes: “These are much needed improvements,” remarked Human Ecology Junior Heather Feign. “My friends and Read More

Cornell Fraternity Members Forced Freshmen to Play Lacrosse, University Says

Members of Cornell’s Greek System are under University Investigation after reports have surfaced that freshmen were forced to play lacrosse in order to gain entry to a series of social events. The Fraternity System is barred from hosting all social events, mixers, and open parties for the remainder of the Read More